Lessons in Tai Chi with Tony.
Tony saw something about Tai Chi on TV the other day,
and now he thinks he's fully qualified to teach everyone how to do it at home.
So get yourself a ball or two, real, or imaginary, and join Tony for a lesson in how not to do Tai chi. Good luck!
No 1. Understand the ball.
"Alright. Welcome to my dojo. Take your shoes off. First thing is, get yourself a ball. Even two balls if you want. You can use real balls, or 'balls of the mind'. I recommend mind balls, at least to start with, because if you've forgotten where you left them, you can always just replace them from your imaginary mind ball shelf."
"Right, well that's more or less it for now. Just wave the ball about slowly a bit. Ill do a demonstration of a couple of excercises you can do with it on Sunday, but one step at a time eh? I usually take tea and biscuits afterwards. Cheers."
Let's get moving!
Good afternoon class. Thanks for coming to my first lesson. Right, let's start off with some basic stretches.
Start with your arms relaxed down by your sides. Slowly raise your arms up and hold them out straight, like your a bird, or a plane. Hold them there for a minute, then raise 'em up in the air, like you just don't care. when you're satisfied, slowly bring them back down to superman position, then ease them back on down by your sides. And repeat....
Become the stream
Right, this one requires a bit of imagination, so get your thinking caps on.
Hold your arms ourt horizontally in front of you. Now imagine you are a stream. No... no, scrap that. BE THE STREAM! Let your arms, and hands, and fingers go all loose and wobbly and just let it all flow out man. You might look like a bit of a tit but it will be worth it.
Remember: You are the stream. Don't let anyone tell you aren't one....
Rotating the ball
Okay, go and get yourself a ball, or if you don't have one, imagine yourself a real fancy one.
Start by holding your ball aloft, right up above your bonce. That's right. Now slowly lower it down until your holding it out in front of you, arms outstretched to your left. Yeah, that's nice. Hold it there for a moment then roll it on down until it's between your knees. Mmm Hmm, keep it there. Now gradually bring it round so you're holding it in front of you again, but this time facing to your right. Glide it on round untill it's up above your swede again.
That's it! You've completed your first rotation of the ball! Repeat it a few times, then throw it in reverse. Be brave, mix it up a bit! That's it for now. More to come next Sunday. Cheers
Time for tea...
Thanks for coming!
You've earnt yourself a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits. I might have a custard cream. Cheers
No 2: Opening Movement
Alright? I'm gonna show you some tai chi poses today, so get your arises in gear.
Take some deep breaths in and out, then slowly flail your arms around like there's some sort of emergency happening in slow motion. Wave them up and down and left and right or whatever, but just do it r e a l l y , r e a l l y s l o w l y . . . . . .
No 3: Cloud Hands
Now I want to see your Cloud hands. Start off with your arms by your sides, and your legs slightly apart. Raise your left arm until it's outstretched, then tuck it in behind your back, or a£$e.
Okay? Now slowly lift your right arm up to the middle of your centre body, and gently brush your hand out in front of you at about 45%, palm facing outwards. Yeah, like that. Lower your hips slightly, relax those arms. Breathe....
Move that right arm downwards, and in a slow sweeping motion bring it all the way round until it's outstretched to your left, then gently allow it to return to its original position. All right! You're starting to look like a proper little ninja now!
Try that again if you want. Keep making that oval shape with your right arm, allowing your hips to guide it through. Why not throw it in reverse? Try it the other way round with your other arm? Do what you like mate, it's your body!
See you all next week, yeah? I'll be demonstrating the Single Whip and the Fist Under Elbow. Cheers
Opening Movement & Cloud Hands
See you later.
Time for tea and a wafer biscuit.
No 4. Single Whip
Right. Now I think you're ready for the quintessential Tai Chi maneuver, the Single Whip.
This ones a doddle. It's a walk in the park. Just follow these simple instructions, yeah?
Stretch your arms way out to the right, and slowly drift them around to the left, like your doing an impression of a ghost.
Feet Feet Feet
It's all about the feet.
You want to be drawing that left foot in about now for the next bit. You can't just be prancing about any old way mate.
Forming the Claw
Form yourself a claw with your right hand.
Yeah, you heard me right. Make your right hand into a claw, then point at it with your left hand, to show that that's just the way you roll.
Hold it there....
Once you have reached this position, draw in a deep breath, turn your left hand inwards about 45%.
You've just nailed it again mate! Hole in one. Keep practicing all that i have taught you so far young warriors, and soon you will truly be masters of your own destinies. Cheers.
Tony Forbolleaux
Painter & Adventurer
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